All In
by Antigone2
Summary: Usagi Tsukino has a painful romantic past and unsure future - but one thing she knows is she wants Chibi-Usa to be born. To make sure that happens, she'll have to confront her heartbreak and spend the night with the man who still haunts her dreams - her only love ... and the reason for her heartbreak. Updated every Friday.
1. Chapter 1

All In

* * *

Shingo Tsukino made a face at his older sister from the hospital bed, crossing his arms in a sulking manner. "Who would have thought out of both of us,_ I'd _be the one breaking my leg?" He gestured at his right leg, elevated in a comical position on a pulley system.

Usagi Tsukino smirked at him from beside the bed, hiding her relief that Shingo felt well enough to joke around. The pain medication must be working. "Hey, at least I know my limits. You are lucky you didn't much worse, attempting that stupid skateboard stunt!"

Shingo flushed when Usagi poked at his arm, "I guess you were trying to impress a girl huh? Did it work?"

"We can't _all_ have famous pop stars to date," Shingo teased back. Usagi bristled at that and grew quiet, pulling away.

Shingo cringed and continued his rant as if he hadn't seen his sister's awkward reaction. "Anyway, maybe she wasn't impressed but she sure seemed concerned about me! Maybe she'll be stopping by..." he trailed off as Usagi picked up his medical chart from the foot of his bed and started to flip through it. "Hey-" he grabbed at it, but not fast enough.

"Shingo..." Usagi's brows knitted as she looked at Shingo's information. "Your doctor is..."

"He only came by a couple of times so far," Shingo said, "I didn't say anything 'cause I didn't want to upset you."

Usagi flipped the pages of Shingo's chart, not really seeing anything except the bold print at the top of the first page as if it was burned into her eyes. **Attending physician: Dr. Mamoru Chiba. **

She tried to look nonchalant. "So..., how is he?" She desperately hoped she sounded careless, as if she was discussing the weather or the chances of the local sports team in this weeks' game.

"I don't know, he's my *doctor*, Usagi. Our conversations have been like: 'does it hurt when I do this?', 'fuck yes, ow ow ow,' that sort of thing." Usagi was silent. "He remembers me," Shingo continued, a little more quietly. "He's really taking good care of me. Being very kind."

"He's a doctor, that's his job," Usagi murmured. "Hey, so," she smiled and shrugged her shoulders swiftly, changing the subject. "Big sister is here to save the day! Do you want anything? Pillows fluffed, food delivered, shall I sing to you?" She darted around, making her brother laugh and then groan because laughing hurt.

"Just get me some juice or something," he pushed her away. "Preferably from somewhere really far from here. Go go," he pushed her away, making shoo'ing motions with his hands. Usagi was just as glad to escape the small room, since she saw Mamoru's name on the chart she half-expected him to walk into her brother's room at any second, and she wasn't sure she was ready for that. To see him again, to hear his voice, be so close to him. She didn't think she could bear it.

With a quick smile at her brother, Usagi briskly walked toward the waiting room, pulling her phone from her purse absentmindedly.

A couple text messages from Minako: "how's Shingo? u ok?", and "?" a few minutes later. Usagi had been on a lunch date with her friend when she got the call Shingo was rushed to the ER, and had left in a blind hurry.

"Shingo fine," she texted back, leaning against the wall of the waiting room, "broken leg. hospital only two days. Phew. Already called Mom and Dad, cutting their vacation short. Should be here tmrw."

Minako texted back a 'relieved' emoji and a heart. "Tells girls everything ok" Usagi texted.

"Sure thing. Seiya too" Minako responded. Usagi cringed and put the phone back into her purse. She headed off to hunt down Shingo's juice.

"Come on you stupid thing!" Usagi cursed under her breath, kicking a little at the bottom of the thieving vending machine, which had cheerfully eaten her coins and refused to deliver the promised grape juice can. "This is a hospital, sick people need their juice, come on-" She pushed on it a little, about the turn heel and give up when a voice behind her made her jump.

"There's a trick to it," he said, and Usagi froze as she watched a pair of familiar hands pressed the juice button twice and pull on the coin return handle in one quick motion. With a clatter, the can dispensed to the bottom of the machine and her coins into the well beneath the return. Usagi blinked.

"It's been broken for ages, but we haven't complained to maintenance," Mamoru said he reached down and picked up the can, offering it to Usagi with a half smile. "For obvious reasons."

She flushed and reached for it, being very careful to not brush his fingers as she took it from him. "Thank you so much." She grabbed her returned money and stepped back, looking up at him. He looked good. He looked the same. Same dark hair feathering into his eyes, same blue eyes, same sardonic smile. He even held himself the same way, one hand resting causally in the pocket of his white coat. Her heart responded in the same way it always had. The leap of joy, the twist of longing, the desire to bury herself in his arms and feel his hair against her face. With the memory, she felt her heart crack anew.

"It's good to see you," she said. She smiled, taking in his scrubs and white coat. "I'm glad you became a doctor, like you wanted. I am sure you are helping a lot of people."

She met his eyes and suddenly felt a rush of nerves.

That was a new feeling. She'd never been nervous with Mamoru before. Not when they bickered, not when they were dating, not even that fateful night when she confronted him in tears and left him behind forever. Banishing the memory with a quick headshake, she looked at him and gave a tight smile.

"Thank you for taking such good care of my little brother," she said. Her words were so formal, she could have been a stranger, thanking any doctor for their care. She saw his eyes go slightly darker and he gave another half-smile.

"Of course," he said, "it's my job."

He stood for a moment in front of her, then excused himself to get back to his rounds. "Well, I'll see you around, U-," he paused, then tugged gently on a pigtail for a brief second, "Odango atama," he finished. The sardonic half-smile was back, for a just a second, then he turned and walked away, leaving Usagi holding the can in her hands so tight her knuckles were whitening.

She'd only been back in Shingo's room thirty seconds when Minako called her cell phone. "Usagi, sorry to bother you but I need to give you a heads-up. Seiya's on his way."

"On his way where?" Usagi said, incredulously, "Here? The hospital? Why?"

"He's picking you up, in his limo. Ya know, 'distressed girlfriend, injured brother, showing I care, yadda yadda'." Minako's voice turned pleading. "This wasn't my idea, I swear. But he thinks it will be good for publicity and our duet drops this week..."

"Minako," Usagi felt dizzy, switched the phone to her other ear and lowered her voice, "Minako, Shingo's doctor is Mamoru."

"Shit," Minako said, quietly. Usagi nodded, even knowing her friend couldn't see her.

"Yeah," she whispered. From the bed, Shingo watched her sympathetically.

"How are you doing with it? Okay?" Minako sounded genuinely concerned but Usagi pushed past that. She could cry into her friends' arms later.

"It's just not a good time for me to see Seiya and do that whole thing," Usagi said. "If I called him, could he not come? I'll see if I can-" but then she heard a raising of voices from the waiting room, the boot-click of Seiya' security team and the tittering of people who had just realized a famous person had just walked in. "Never mind, Minako," Usagi said, "he's here."

"Was that really necessary?" Usagi asked Seiya later, seated safely in his air conditioned limo.

He squeezed her hand and gave her a cocky grin. "C'mon, you love being fawned over."

"It's just.. it's my brother, ya know? This is a real thing, not some concert or awards show."

Seiya looked hurt, and Usagi felt sorry.

Seiya was a good guy. Usagi liked him. For a while, during their first few dates, she thought they might really have something - he was so warm, and funny and sometimes in his arms she felt like if she just shut her eyes and pretended, it could be Mamoru. And that... that wasn't fair. Not to him, not to her. But, the tabloids had gone crazy over it. **Seiya Kou dating an ordinary school girl? Could it be? A true Cinderella story!** Seiya's popularity soared, Minako got her big break ('**Seiya's girlfriend's best friend Minako to sing duet! Minako Aino Debut!'**), and Usagi and Seiya became close friends.

Maybe it wasn't 'dating' but she enjoyed his company, and if the tabloids wanted to call her his 'girlfriend' than so be it. What harm could it do?

But sometimes she felt like Seiya needed reminding, she didn't sign on to lie about anything.

"I'm not that fake, Odango," Seiya said, almost sadly. "I am concerned about your brother. And you. And I thought this could cheer you both up. I'm sorry."

It did seem to cheer up the nursing staff, who gathered for autographs, and Shingo's friend Mia, who HAD stopped by while Seiya was there, had completely lost it over an autograph and Shingo seemed happy to have impressed her after all. Even Usagi had to admit, normally she'd love the support while a family member was ill. It was just... she looked toward the hospital windows as Seiya told the driver to head out. Was Mamoru in there, doing his rounds, studying medical files, saving someone's life? Right at that moment? What had he thought of her flashy "boyfriend", the fame and the paparazzi, the handsome pop star escorting her out the hospital doors, hand in hers?

Maybe he hadn't even cared. Why should he? She was never more to him than some silly schoolgirl who messed everything up, and who, in cruel twist of fate, wore the face of his beloved long-lost princess. Usagi could never have been what Mamoru wanted.

She assumed someday it would stop hurting.

* * *

The next day, she was surprised to wake up to a call from Setsuna, asking to meet her at a coffee shop just outside the college Usagi attended. Eager to see her old friend, and concerned as to what this could be about, Usagi arrived only five minutes late - a personal record. Setsuna greeted her warmly and Usagi sat down with her hot chocolate as Setsuna proceeded to discuss the issue at hand in a conspiratorial whisper.

"I need to what?!" Usagi's incredulous shout contrasted comically with Setsuna's calm demeanor.

"You needn't do anything you don't wish to," Setsuna said. "I'm just telling you the facts."

"But when," Usagi pressed her fingers to her forehead, "when Mamo-cha, er, Mamoru and I, when we- ya know- "

"Broke up" Setsuna filled in, not unkindly.

"Broke up," Usagi muttered, ignoring the familiar fissure through her heart as she said the words, "you told us it would be okay. That Chibi-Usa would still... somehow... that it would all be okay."

"Yes," she sipped her coffee. "Because of this."

"Because you'd come to us in four years and tell us we need to... conceive a child... out of nowhere on this date, and what? that's your 'everything is okay'?!"

Setsuna sighed, shrugged slightly. "That's the long and short of it, yes. Of course, if you don't want a child-"

"No," Usagi interrupted, "I want Chibi-Usa. I want to have her, her to be my daughter. Yes, yes, yes. I... I can. I will. Do this. But," Usagi paused. "You aren't giving us a lot of time."

"No," Setsuna agreed, "and for that I apologize. But, the future only becomes clear to me as the time comes closer, like a fog lifting. It needs to be tonight."

"Tonight!"

"And maybe tomorrow or the next day, too, just to be sure."

Usagi swallowed hard, her hot chocolate sitting like a stone in her belly. "He'd never agree to this."

"He already has," Setsuna said smoothly.

Usagi looked at her empty mug, feeling as if the world was tilting over. A night with Mamo-chan? Of course he agreed. He loved Chibi-Usa, too. And they could still spend time with her, help raise her... it would mean more time with Mamoru, which sounded painful but wonderful all at once. And tonight... maybe even if it was just for Chibi-Usa's sake, maybe even if his heart wasn't in it, if it meant nothing to him but a means to an end... she'd have a night with her true love, one more time.

"I'm in," Usagi said, nodding. "Yes, I am all in."

* * *

That afternoon, after visiting Shingo in the hospital (mercifully it was Mamoru's day off), Usagi stood in front of her mirror, holding up an outfit and frowning. Who would have thought this would be so nerve-wracking?

And, honestly, who cares what outfit she wore? It's not as if Mamoru would see her wearing the blue dress instead of the pink skirt and send her packing. This was for Chibi-Usa. He'd already been roped in. And ... her face grew hot as she thought her clothes might not stay on very long anyway...

My god, what will this be like? She thought, tugging a pigtail as hard as she could. Would it be efficient, quick, a means to an end? Or would he... actually... She shut her eyes and shook her head quickly. When they were dating, he never went further than kissing, admittedly, it was pretty passionate kissing, and sometimes his hands would brush against her but... he'd always pull away. Oftentimes he'd ignore or pretend not to understand her advances, or turn away completely, changing the subject or even sending her home. She bit her lip to hold back tears. Of course, it's because she was never more than an annoyance to him. That had to be why.

"Stop being a baby, Usagi!" she told herself sternly.

"Oh I wish I could call Mako-chan about this!" But she wasn't ready for the girls, or Luna and Artemis, to know. "I mean, eventually everyone will have to know," she said, outloud to herself, "but they'll all understand. It's for Chibi-Usa. Oh they'll be such great aunties." Usagi giggled despite herself, effectively having cheered herself up. Mamoru didn't _hate_ her, after all. Even if he didn't love her, they could be friends. Usagi wondered if it would thrill her or kill her to be so close to him everyday without it being romantic. If she had to watch him be happy with another woman eventually -

Her phone rang, the house phone rang, and at least a dozen texts popped up on her phone screen within the space of a minute.

"What the-" Usagi picked up her phone and blanched. "Oh no," she murmured.

She had completely forgotten Seiya's talk show appearance. She'd promised him she'd watch. And apparently he had said something - about her - and now everyone she ever knew was contacting her about it.

Seiya had announced he would propose. Propose. To Usagi! At the premiere of Minako and his new song.

Usagi felt dizzy. Sure, she'd hold his hand for the press but they never discussed something of this magnitude.

But, now her fake "boyfriend" had announced he would ask her, Usagi Tsukino, to become his wife.

And the whole of Tokyo knew.

* * *

**wHAT DO YOU MEAN THIS PLOT IS CONTRIVED AND INSIPID? maybe your face is contrived and insipid so there! except, no, it's not, your face is adorable and lovely. **


	2. Chapter 2

thank you so much to everyone who favorited and/or followed - and especially those sparkly gems of people who took the time to review. You are fantastic.

And thanks so much to hmsharmony who lent me some of her rare and precious free time to pre-read some parts of this fic, and who helps make tumblr a such a happy place for me

Also, please note this fic is rated T. I personally believe it is not graphic enough to be rated M, but just pointing it out. Feel free to skim past the more racy parts if you so chose.

* * *

Usagi knew the way to Mamoru's apartment intimately. The pathway through the park, the steps up to the lobby, the elevator... everything was familiar (she could do it with her eyes closed) but also somewhat surreal. It could have been yesterday she was bounding down the hallway with a bento in her hand, giggling at the prospect of jumping into his arms. It could have been yesterday, and at the same time it seemed a million years ago.

Lost in her thoughts, she didn't have time to feel nervous before raising her hand and knocking on the door. At his call it was open, she stepped in, slipped off her shoes and closed the heavy door behind her with a loud latching sound.

The settling dusk bathed the apartment in blue, shadows spilling into the dark living room and hallway. The only light on was over the kitchen island, where Mamoru sat in a half-buttoned white shirt, a bottle of wine open in front of him, a little over half full. He looked up at her as she stepped into the kitchen and raised the glass in his hand toward her as if he was toasting. "I hear congratulations are in order," he said.

Usagi startled for a minute and sputtered, "No - it's not-" but then Mamoru shook his head and raised a hand apologetically.

"I'm sorry, never mind. It's not my place to say anything." He finished the glass in one gulp, feeling a little heady. He hadn't meant to drink as much as he had, but the news about Seiya had been difficult to take.

This was his punishment, he thought, looking at the empty wine glass in the sink by itself. A life without Usagi. A dull ache in his chest instead of her head resting there, a cold place in his bed where she wasn't sleeping. A lifetime of loneliness for being too proud, too cold, for taking for granted the only person who had begun to tear down the walls he'd spent his whole life building. Now those walls were all he had.

"Mamoru-" she paused. Then offered a small smile. "You sharing?" she asked, pointed to the wine, trying to lighten the mood. Mamoru looked so handsome. A little flush, a little disheveled, a five o'clock shadow along his jaw. His hair was in his eyes again. He always put off haircuts when he was stressed. Her fingers ached to run through his hair, to push it back from his eyes. She made a fist, trying to slow the beat of her heart, to get a grip on the desire that was suddenly licking its way through her body.

Mamoru poured her a small amount in a clean glass and handed it to her, she smiled at him and he smiled back, but Usagi thought it might be a sad smile. As she took the glass, her fingers brushed against his. The warmth of his skin against her made her jolt and some wine sloshed through the glass. Mamoru looked at her trembling and stepped back.

"We don't have to do anything you don't want," he said. "I love Chibi-Usa, too, and want her in our lives. But as a doctor I know there are other ways - not as definite, and not as simple of course, but this isn't the only way to have a child. I wouldn't ever do anything you didn't wa-"

She stepped up to him, reaching around him to place her wine on the counter, she hadn't touched it. Did he want to back out now? She felt a sliver of anger through her stomach. Running from intimacy- This was so typical!

"I came here, didn't I?" She grabbed his shirt and tugged it hard, forcing his gaze to meet hers. "If you want me to leave then say so, otherwise-" Usagi gulped, lifted her chin in what almost seemed a defiant stance. "Otherwise, I'm all in."

It was a second. A split second. Usagi couldn't even parse exactly what happened next, one moment she was looking into those intense eyes and the next moment her back was against the wall of the kitchen, with Mamoru's lips pressed to hers. After she got over her shock, she began to respond in kind. Usagi pressed her two small hands on the sides of his face, kissed his mouth again and again and again. Mamoru's kisses tasted of the chocolate and coffee she remembered, underscored with the slightly acrid taste of the wine he'd been drinking.

She tried to slow it down, to savor his kisses, to taste him more, but he was frantic, kissing her cheeks, her neck, her ear. His hair brushed against her face, those warm, graceful hands she always admired where freely roaming her body. His breath was shallow, his words gasping against her ear, "oh sweet Usako, my beautiful Usako..."

Usagi wrapped her leg around his waist, and gasped a little as he lifted her up off the floor to allow both legs around him. She could feel his hardness pressed against her, his desire obvious in his trembling limbs.

She loved him so much. She missed him so much. How could she have been so stupid as to think they could have one or two nights of this without making their separation a fresh wound in her heart?

"Mamo-chan," she whispered, suddenly wanting to cry. In response, he groaned out loud, pulling her toward him and away from the wall. There was no holding back, their mutual desperation at the tipping point.

Usagi tumbled into ectasy with not a thought to the fact that her dress hadn't even come all the way off.

Usagi had been drifting off to sleep in Mamoru's arms, her body warm and completely entangled in his. When she realized she may never feel this happy again, never feel this peace of resting in her true love's arms, she started awake with a sob. After all, this was only to conceive a child, this was only for a few days. This passion was pretend.

Usagi couldn't stand it anymore. She wriggled her way out of Mamoru's arms, to a sleepy moan as he reached toward her. "Tomorrow," she whispered and a smile settled across his features. God, he was so beautiful when he slept. "Tomorrow," he muttered, and rolled over. The wine would keep him asleep on the floor until morning light crept along the floor a few hours later.

* * *

"Shingo- I'm here," Usagi said in a sing-song voice, and then stopped and mouthed 'oops' when she realized her brother was sleeping. Her mother smiled at her from her seat by his bed and Usagi came in to say hello.

"Sorry you had to cut your trip short," Usagi said quietly, and Ikuko waved her hand dismissively and pulled Usagi into a tight hug.

"You kids always keep me on my toes," she said, and gave Usagi a meaningful look. "Are you okay after yesterday?"

Usagi started, thinking her mother somehow knew of her night with Mamoru. By the time she realized Ikuko meant Seiya's announcement she was too thrown to speak, which make Ikuko's eyebrows knit in concern.

"Usagi, be sure not to lose yourself in that boy's crazy world."

Usagi nodded, fighting to turn her frown into a bright smile. Her parents and her former senshi (still her best of friends) were the only people who knew her 'romance' with Seiya was less than it seemed. The marriage proposal announcement threw them all for a loop.

"I'm fine mom, I can totally handle this!" Usagi giggled a little, putting her arm behind her head. Then she changed the subject, "Hey, while I'm here, is there anything you need? I know a vending machine that gives free juice."

"Sure, that sounds nice."

Walking to the vending machine, Usagi was trying very hard not to think about Mamoru, and not to worry about what to do about Seiya's 'proposal'. Last night, on the walk home, in a moment of crazy desperation, she considered accepting. If she couldn't have Mamoru, what did it matter if she ended up the publicity wife of a pop star?

Seiya was nice enough, he'd be on the road half the time... but what would she do about Chibi-Usa? If Sestuna was right, she could have a baby in nine months. She could never lie and say the baby was Seiya's. The very thought caused every cell in her body to rebel. Chibi-Usa was _Mamoru's_. She is- _will be_ \- Usagi corrected in her mind. (Time travel was confusing.) She _will be_ sarcastic and clever and snarky and kind and smart and hardworking. She would be Mamo-chan all over. To deny her that, to deny Mamoru that, it was completely out of the question.

Mamoru would be raising Chibi-Usa, too. They would be raising a child together, as friends - not lovers. Maybe it's not the way things were supposed to be but she'd take it if she had to... Usagi pressed her hand gently to her abdomen. Was Chibi-Usa there already? Was she pregnant? She didn't feel any different. Sestuna had seemed very sure. After last night or tonight, Chibi-Usa would be on her way. Usagi felt emotion well up inside her, and she hurriedly wiped her tears away.

"... oh you mean Dr. Chiba?" a laughing voice interrupted Usagi's thoughts as she walked by the nurses' station.

"Ha ha, oh Dr. Chio! I thought you meant Dr. Mamoru Chiba at first-"

"That womanizer? Ha, after what Nanako told me, I'd never give him the time of day."

"Wait, whaaaaat? Did Nanako say?"

Another round of laughter, "Oh who am I kidding? I don't care if he's slept with half the female staff at the hospital, I'd never turn that man down-"

Usagi cursed as her phone rang, drowning out the gossip echoing through the door. She fumbled to turn it off -

Caller ID said 'Seiya Kou'.

Usagi's finger hovered over the 'ignore' button for a second or two, but then she realized she couldn't run from this forever. She answered, walking quickly toward the waiting room so as not to bother any other patients.

"Where have you been?" he had the nerve to sound worried, "I must have called you a hundred times last night."

"My phone died," Usagi fibbed, too angry to even feel guilty. "And you have a lot of nerve!" she added. "What were you thinking? I never said I'd-"

"I know, I know, I'm sorry," his static-y voice sounded contrite, "We definitely need to talk about this. I'm on the road right now but can you meet me for lunch? Yaten will be there, too."

Yaten was Seiya's PR agent. She was snarky, manipulative and intimidating as hell.

"Then I'm bringing Minako," Usagi said quickly. Seiya agreed.

"It'll all be okay, Usagi," Seiya said, and Usagi knew he must be serious to use her real name and not 'Odango' as he constantly called her. "You won't need to do anything you don't want to."

That was the third time in as many days someone had said something like that to her, Sestuna, Mamoru, Seiya - everyone assuring her she needn't do anything she didn't want to, no one asking what she actually _did_ want.

Did she even know?

* * *

Mamoru could not stop chiding himself after he woke up, while replaying the previous night over and over in his mind. Even as the memory of her soft body under his and sweet gasps in his ear would make him hard again, he cursed the wine, his high running emotions, and the completely unbridled desire that took him over. That their first night was a frenzied tangle of limbs - on his kitchen floor for fuck's sake - instead of a slow, romantic, rose-filled night of ecstasy. But, he had missed her, and oh god he _wanted_ her. Mamoru would always love her. He'd spend the rest of his life looking for even a hundredth of happiness he'd felt in her presence. And he knew he'd never find it.

Usagi was in his blood, his soul. He needed her like air, like water. Mamoru hated that he fell upon her as a man dying of thirst would dive into a desert oasis. But, in hindsight, it seemed inevitable that it should happen that way.

Mamoru had never wanted to go without her in his life. Mamoru cringed to remember how he'd snapped at her during their last fight, when she sobbed, yet again unhappy (why couldn't he just make her happy? She made him happy by merely _being_ but she seemed to always be sad around him now), and he couldn't help exploding, "Jesus, Usa, will you just grow up about this?!" Always emotional, Usagi had gasped at him and ran out.

It was a bad fight, but Mamoru didn't think it would end them. He always thought they were stronger than that. What were some little spats compared to crawling back from the brink of death?

When Usagi finally returned his calls two days later, he was ready to curl into her arms and beg forgiveness for his callous words, for allowing the outside stress in his life to put fissures in her happiness, for never putting into words how just seeing her smile and hearing her call his name was the highlight of his day. Instead, her face was dull, cold. "I don't want to do this anymore, Mamo-chan. I think destiny messed up, pairing us up together. We'd be happier apart."

Then it was a month or so later, after he had asked her for what was probably the fiftieth time what he could do, what she needed him to do to fix this somehow, to allow him back into her life, Usagi finally broke down and begged him: _"Just let me be, Mamo-chan, please." She had rubbed her eyes furiously, a childlike gesture that always tore at his heart. "You are making this worse for me. Please just leave me alone." _

He could never refuse her tears.

And so he had left her alone.

Finishing medical school, residency, his first year as a doctor, to say it was busy was an understatement. He was able to fully throw himself into his work, finish top of his class, get offered spots at any hospital in Japan, probably even in the world.

Mamoru chose Juuban. He could never go too far away.

Even though he expected it after admitting her brother, actually seeing Usagi at the hospital, in front of him, all sparkling blue eyes and flushed cheeks, as if his constant thoughts of her had taken human form- it threw him. Speaking to her, he had felt both elated and incredibly sad. 'Oh, Usako, what happened to us?' he had thought, 'how did we end up having an awkward conversation in a hospital hallway when we used to be so close as to guess each other's thoughts?'

And then of course, there was that commotion caused by that cocky pop star showing up at the hospital, signing autographs and posing for selfies as if it was backstage at a concert and not a hospital. Mamoru knew his bitterness wasn't entirely justified, but watching Seiya and Usagi leave through the windows of the hospital that day, he felt his fingers twitch wishing he could aim a rose right at that smug bastard's ponytail and knock him over.

It was just then that Sestuna had come to talk to him, explaining about Chibi-Usa. Her solution surprised Mamoru, although it probably shouldn't have, it was such an obvious one.

Years ago, Setsuna had assured them Chibi-Usa would still come to be, and he never questioned it, just held on desperately to the idea that some day he'd see his little girl again. But of course it was just as simple as getting Usagi and Mamoru together for as much time as it took to make a baby. As simple and as utterly messy.

Mamoru was always wondering what words he could weave and what magic he could produce to make Usagi reconsider, make her stay. All the metaphors and poetry and promises he could give that could make her see how desperately, hopelessly in love with her he was.

But of course, now this pop star she'd been seen with - it was all over the magazines and gossip rags. Mamoru wasn't living under a rock. He knew the love of his life was seen entering dance clubs through the back entrances, arm in arm with a handsome singer whose songs Mamoru always skipped on the radio. But now all the rumors surrounding them had been finally confirmed - Seiya planning to _propose_ on live TV at the debut of Minako's song. Mamoru and Usagi would have a _child, _a child together, but even that may not stop her from slipping through his fingers. And he knew he had no right to stop her.

Mamoru watched the sun rise over the city, the loneliness he felt a familiar companion.

At least he had tonight.

* * *

doing a weekly release schedule. next part will be posted next Friday.

A/N So some people were asking the timeline on this, and I guess my thought is that SuperS was their last big battle, and Stars never happened. The break up was when Usagi was 17, making her 21 now. Which would put Mamoru at like 25. Young to be a doctor but w/e artistic license. Also I know that would make it like 1999 but this fic takes place pretty much in present day (everyone has smart phones, etc) - I feel like with all the incarnations of Sailor Moon, and all the varying release dates of the various foreign-language dubs, the recent release of the manga and new Viz dub, etc, etc the actual physical dates in the timeline get wonky. Plus, ya know. fanfic.

also ps your face is still lovely and I like your hair too.


	3. Chapter 3

Thank you again to everyone who followed and favorited (and even everyone who read without doing either). And especially to people that reviewed, I can't tell you how much I smile and squee over every review. It's seriously the best feeling.

Thank you to real-life Moon Princess Kyralih has been a sounding board regarding characterization of a certain angsty protagonist who shall remain nameless.

This is a very short chapter. I'm sorry. I hope to get some tumblr drapples up on soon though!

* * *

The restroom in the hospital was immaculate and impersonal. Usagi splashed water on her face and regarded herself in the mirror. She supposed she should attempt some lipgloss or something before meeting Seiya but she felt too drained to care about her naked face. Usagi took a deep breath and let it out slowly. Unbidden, images rose up in her mind from the previous night - Mamoru handing her the wine glass, intensity in his gaze. His tapered fingers, usually so graceful, clumsy and ragged in the midst of passion. Usagi took a step back, tried to settle her heart, to focus on something other than the stars she saw behind her eyes when he had entered her - gently, sweetly, murmuring all those sweet nothings in her ear - for all the quick, relentless kisses and pulling on clothes, that moment of climax had been tender beyond belief.

Say what you wanted about Mamoru Chiba, she could certainly confirm he was incredibly good in bed.

Or, Usagi reflected, not even 'bed' considering they never made it out of the kitchen.

But then again, apparently it was because her seemingly straight-laced ex-boyfriend had had practice... Usagi frowned. The conversation from the nurses station had no business bothering her. Mamoru was a free agent now, he could do whatever (or whomever) he wanted to, whenever he wanted. It wasn't Usagi's right to be jealous. Still...

She didn't have time for this. Pushing Mamoru's reputation aside, for now anyway, she prepared to go across town - and give Seiya hell.

* * *

Seiya was already there, of course, seated in a booth in the back, sunglasses over his eyes. Yaten was seated next to him in a dark gray power suit, bluetooth in her ear and a latte in her hand. Minako was running late, too, and Usagi lingered outside the cafe until she arrived, engulfing Usagi in a sweet, perfumed hug.

"Usagi-chaaan!"

Usagi hugged her back, feeling intensely comforted by her friend's embrace.

"Should I kill him? I'm going to kill him."

Usagi opened her mouth and Minako nodded sharply before Usagi could speak. "Yes, yes, good call maybe I'll get Mako-chan to kill him. OR REI," Minako's cornflower blue eyes were shining with anticipation and Usagi had to clear her throat loudly to bring her friend back to Earth.

"I'm not marrying Seiya, Minako," Usagi said.

"Damn straight you aren't!" Minako breezed, pushing past her to door and pulling Usagi along.

Seiya stood in greeting and gave Usagi a sheepish look. Minako rolled her eyes at Yaten, "Jesus, it's like you are a parody of yourself at this point."

"A pleasure as always," Yaten said dryly.

Usagi looked right at Seiya, "No." she said, simply.

"I know," Seiya said, spreading his hands on the counter. "I know okay? We don't have to get married."

"You think?!" Minako was ready leap over the table (or at least relishing the drama of acting as if she was about to leap over the table) when a waiter arrived and quickly set down an elegant and expensive looking tea tray of finger sandwiches and sweets.

Usagi helped herself to a tea cake and took a defiant bite. "Explain yourself Seiya, or I swear to god, I'll make you go back on that roller coaster in Odaiba where you puked on the attendant."

Yaten and Minako both tried to hide their snickers. Minako was less successful.

Seiya gave a small smile, glad Usagi wasn't completely ready to write him off completely. "Look," he said, "it wasn't my idea. I didn't even want to do this."

"But you still did it. Look at that."

"Listen to me," Yaten said, tossing her hair behind her shoulder, "The marriage doesn't need to happen. We can either have a fall out - out of which comes Seiya's most heartfelt album yet- or else you two just stay engaged forever. Or it tapers off when interest wanes - not that interest will ever wane with you, Seiya."

"Not when you have schemes like this up your sleeve every time it seems to!" Minako said.

Usagi frowned. "If we get engaged and break up, I'll be the bad guy who broke your heart."

"You'll be out of the spotlight," Yaten said. No one missed the hopeful look that flickered across Usagi's face.

"You think so?"

"I mean, obviously at first there'll be some flack from the fans but mostly girls will just be happy to have a chance. You can 'stay friends' and drift off. In the meantime, you stay engaged for at least a few months after Minako's album drops and sales will be pretty much guaranteed."

"A few months..." Usagi trailed off. In a few months, she'd be showing. Talk about a scandal. She'd never be out of the spot light. And neither would Chibi-Usa.

"Or, you never know," Seiya said with a wink, "you may end up wanting to get married after all."

As three pairs of eyes regarded him sharply, he paled and held up his hands in a surrendering position. "Kidding, kidding," he said, a little too quickly.

"Three months at most," Yaten said. "Appear on the TV show when the song drops, let Seiya propose, gush over the ring, say 'yes' and you'll see. It's a win-win-win. Especially for Minako's career."

"That's bullshit," Minako snapped. "If that is what it takes for me to be famous I don't want fame anymore." She stood up and pulled Usagi up with her. "I don't need to use my friends to sell records, and if you do Seiya Kou, shame on you."

She turned and started to march out, obviously expecting Usagi to follow her.

But Usagi stayed rooted to the spot. She seemed to be deep in thought, her brows together, her eyes reflecting a sadness that Minako cringed to see.

Finally she looked up and looked Seiya straight in the eye. "One month," she said. And then she grabbed her purse (and a few more tea cakes) and turned heel and walked out with her head held high.

Minako regarded Seiya very seriously. "I hope you realize just what you are risking here." Then she, too, was gone.

* * *

Since her parents were taking care of Shingo, who was being discharged that afternoon, Usagi didn't go back to the hospital. She didn't go home either. She ended up aimlessly wandering through the city. This city she grew up in, the place she spent her adolescence and teen years defending with her life. It wasn't easy, all the pain and hardship and death and rebirth, but it was life. Sailor Moon's life, anyway.

And there were beautiful parts to being a senshi, too, she thought, running her hand along the wrought iron fence that separated the green of a park from the city. Her friends. Peaceful, intelligent Ami. Passionate Mako-chan. The gorgeous and fiery Rei. Minako, the one and only. Chibi-Usa. Haruka and Michiru. Sestuna and Hotaru. Neo-Queen Serenity and the alternate future of Earth. It comforted her to think that at least, in some universe, she and Mamoru were happily married.

At that thought, she suddenly made a sharp turn and jumped a little. It seemed her feet had had a destination in mind.

Tokyo Tower, which rose over the city with romantic amber lights in the evening, looked ugly and industrial on the dull, cloudy day. Usagi paid the entrance fee and walked inside.

The observation deck was practically empty, a rainy day wasn't good for visibility. A few scattered tourists on their way out passed Usagi and left her alone by the windows with the city sprawling in front of her. Somewhere in that mass of gray buildings and sky, amongst the bustle of the trains and buses and tiny ant-like people, was Mamoru. One soul out of millions, the one that was supposed to be connected to hers.

He had gone from the infuriating, teasing upperclassman (who somehow made her her heart pound faster whenever he was nearby), to the masked hero who swept her off her feet, to the ancient prince whose legendary love had torn a world apart. And then Mamoru had done his best to pull that love into his present life, Usagi knew he had. The picnics and the dates, the outings with Chibi-Usa (and Hotaru, later on), the intense emotion when he fought beside her in battle -

if only she had known she wasn't really making him happy. Her noisiness annoyed him, her constant clinginess wore on him, her lateness and messiness and poor grades - all of it was building wedges between them little by little.

It started small, an exasperated eye-roll here, a missed date there... but previously those things could always be swept away by the intensity of battling evil with their alter-egos. But after all that ended and peace reigned, Usagi felt him pulling away. Mamoru was busy at medical school, it seemed to take up all his time and energy. Usagi could barely read the books Mamoru would bring home to his apartment, let alone understand them, so she couldn't even hold a conversation with him about the current focus of his life. She had pulled inward, becoming emotional, clingy and jealous even as she _knew _it was driving them apart, she couldn't help it, had no way of reigning in her emotions.

Looking back, what a fool she'd been to think she could ever be what he needed. Usagi gave Mamoru credit for not bailing sooner, the man was was nothing if not steadfast. Usagi knew he was determined to love her the way he felt he had been destined to - but even though he never said it, she was beginning to doubt he's ability to do so.

It had been difficult to set him free. The hardest thing Usagi had ever had to do, and he sure hadn't made it easy. But seeing him - a successful doctor, with an (evidently) busy social life, content in his life...she knew she'd done the right thing.

Water droplets blurred her vision of Tokyo and it took Usagi a second to realize it wasn't her tears blurring her vision of the rain that had started to fall.

With a sigh, she turned away from the windows. She'd have to grab something for dinner, then go to straight to Mamoru's. Usagi didn't even care about her lack of umbrella as she trudged along outside, water running down her hair into her face.

"Just hold it together for one more night," she murmured to herself, purposely ignoring any thoughts of the future with Chibi-Usa, with Seiya's "engagement" with anything except getting through that night with her heart intact.

Usagi was mostly dry but still shivering when she finally knocked on Mamoru's door. This time, he opened it himself, and smiled at her in such a disarming way Usagi felt like the universe must be testing her.

"Hi, Mamoru," she finally said.

He handed her a single red rose, which she took with trembling, numb fingers.

"Usako."

* * *

this very fic has quickly become a foray into lets-see-how-many-cliches-I-can-shove-into-one-story. challenge accepted, story. Challenge fucking accepted.

Next part Friday, same bat time same bat channel.


	4. Chapter 4

as always thank you to everyone reading and reviewing. may you all find a five dollar bill (or your country's equivalent) in your jacket pocket this week.

one thing I wanted to address super quickly - obviously this is fan fiction, and a slightly AU version at that. I'm doing my best to keep everyone in-character (or at least, close enough to my interpretation of the characters) but some liberty needs to be taken in order for the story to work. I mean, I think we can all agree this break up wouldn't have happened in canon - but due to us fic writers' innate and deep-seated need to make our favorite characters sob into their morning coffee, we have to pull out our artistic license now and then. So I do apologize if you feel as if the characters are not acting the way you want to see them act, or even believe they would act. I know I've certainly back-buttoned on fics for less.

However, I do urge you to stick with the story- And trust me if you can. I've finally finished drafting the entire fic, and I personally found it to be a fun ride. I hope you do, too.

ok onward and upward.

* * *

Usagi felt certain the universe was toying with her, now. 'Sure,' she thought 'let me become a plaything to fate, a pawn to destiny, set my heart on someone I could never be worth of, and then have him... do _this.'_

There was a sprinkle of rose pedals in the hallway and through the bedroom, candles were lit, music was playing, it was as if Mamoru had hit the 'bachelor pad' button on his wall and turned his apartment into a romanic getaway overnight. Usagi clutched the rose to her chest, thinking that she was totally falling for it: hook, line and sinker. This was exactly what a hopeless romantic like her always imagined, always pictured.

"What are you.. why...?" She couldn't force much more out and even though she wasn't looking at him, she could feel him smiling at her.

He put his hand on her shoulder and she whirled, looked up at him. Mamoru's eyes were much clearer today, regarding her kindly, tenderly. He tucked a wayward strand of damp hair behind her ear. "I want to do this right, this time."

"I don't know what to say..." Usagi started, and shook her head slowly, willing her eyes to stay dry. "It's really nice, Mamo-chan."

She bit her lip, looked up at him from the circle of his arms, his warmth already driving the chill from her body. "I-" everything was on the tip of her tongue - how much she missed him, how she wasn't really with Seiya, how she wanted so much more than a co-parenting partnership with him.

But... but thanks to that fateful day four years ago, she couldn't make her mouth form the words.

"You're freezing," Mamoru said softly, rubbing her hands in his.

Usagi smiled, "I feel warm," she said. And kissed him so she wouldn't say anything else.

This time Mamoru was clearly determined to slow things down. Usagi was happy to stay in his arms and savor his kisses, pretend they were still together, pretend that they didn't need to rush because they had all the time in the world.

And this time they made it to the bedroom, Mamoru even carrying her over the threshold as if they were newlyweds. She couldn't keep herself from giggling. It was as if they had an unspoken pact to leave the outside world behind: Seiya, the rumors from the nurses at the hospital, their messy break up so many years ago - none of that could enter the safe haven they'd made.

Usagi noticed he'd even put a framed picture of them on the nightstand. It was a nice touch, as if the past four years hadn't happened.

Her clothes were removed with care, her skin dotted with kisses as each layer of damp fabric was removed. Usagi did her best at helping him undress, did her best to arose or excite him, although she was inexperienced in that area. A kiss here, a caress there - from his reactions, she wasn't doing too badly. Then she felt as if she was going to melt into the bed, ecstasy washing over her like waves and she was crying out despite herself, her fingers threaded through his hair.

"Mamo-chan," Usagi managed to gasp out, "Mamo-chan, that's not how... that's not how you get a baby-" She felt him chuckle and his lips were warm on her stomach.

"Oh?"

"Didn't you go to medical school?" she couldn't help saying even as her body relaxed in the afterglow and his laughter shook the bed.

"Okay, so show me what I'm supposed to do," he said, grinning.

She was happy to.

* * *

It was much later, the dim glow of the city lights filtering through the window shades the only light. Mamoru was awake, lying beside her as she laid with her head on his shoulder.

They'd been talking about Chibi-Usa, what they missed most about her, what they were most looking forward to, being her parents. They spoke carefully, never bringing up the fact that she'd be raised by two people no longer together.

No matter what, she'd be raised with love, Usagi thought. She loved Chibi-Usa, she loved Mamoru. Mamoru loved Chibi-Usa. That was enough.

"Can I ask you something?" Usagi said, knowing she was about to break their unspoken contract and bring the outside world shattering in. But she had to know.

"Sure," Mamoru said, propping himself up on his elbow and looking at her.

She took a deep breath. "I overhead something about you at the hospital. From the nurses."

Mamoru sighed heavily and laid back down on the bed, looking a the ceiling, not at Usagi.

"So apparently Dr. Chiba gets around," Usagi said, trying to keep her voice light. Trying not to picture another woman in the same spot she currently occupied in his bed.

"Apparently," Mamoru said dryly. Then he sighed again and shrugged. "It started with one of the nurses - she has a bit of a gossipy streak I guess. Despite it's inaccuracy, I don't do anything to dissuade the rumors. It's easier to have them believe I'm some sort of playboy to be avoided than... I don't know, a single young doctor." Mamoru flushed as he realized how it sounded. "They leave me alone this way."

"So how'd the rumors start, if they aren't true?"

This time Mamoru did look uncomfortable. "Well, not long after I started at the hospital all the medical staff had a big mixer. One woman there, well, she'd had a lot to drink and so had I - probably too much now that I look back on it. She was flirting with me and I offered to walk her home. On the way, she kissed me and I didn't stop her." He studiously didn't look at Usagi. "I don't remember to much of what happened, to be honest, but a few minutes later I found myself slapped in the face and she called a cab home from the sidewalk." Sheepishly he continued, "I guess I got her name wrong."

"Mamo-chan!" Usagi gasped, only half pretending to be scandalized.

"I know," he moaned, covering his face with the pillow, "I know. I barely remember it. I deserve all the stuff they say."

Usagi couldn't help the relieved laughing bubbling up inside her. "You do, you totally do, you utter pig."

He pulled the pillow away, glancing at her sideways to gauge if she was serious or angry. But Usagi just looked like her normal self, shaking her head causing waterfalls of loose hair to tangle around her shoulders. "Well, thanks for clearing that up," she said, a small smile still floating around her mouth. Usagi was inexplicably glad it had all been a misunderstanding, and that Mamoru had opened up to her about it.

It was more than she had, about Seiya... whose name had studiously not been mentioned the entire night. But, Usagi reasoned, of course it made sense not to bring up her "boyfriend" when they were together_ this_ way. Once Usagi was pregnant and she and Mamoru spent time together more platonically, then she'd be able to discuss it. Then she could tell Mamoru it was all a set-up... and let him judge her as he would.

For now she put it out of her mind.

* * *

The next morning, Usagi slept late. When she woke up, Mamoru was already gone. He had left a note for her, saying he had an early shift at the hospital and to please wait for him to come back in the mid-afternoon. She folded up the note and put it in her pocket.

Last night was fun, but in the harsh light of day certain truths must be faced. Mamoru obviously enjoyed her company, and they sure as heck were compatible in bed, but that didn't mean they could be anything more than that.

Four years ago, she had visited him at school after their last big fight, ("grow up!" Mamoru had demanded of her, as if she wasn't trying every day to be the woman he deserved). Still, she was determined to make up with him at the encouragement of her friends, who assured her he was just stressed, that he loved her as much as wanted to believe he did.

And when Usagi showed up at his school, clutching a bento in one hand and her heart in the other, she saw Mamoru and it was as if time slowed. He was smiling. The wind blew in his hair and he adjusted his messenger bag with one hand, looking out at the campus with that happy, content look still in his eyes. He was beautiful. And Usagi had realized she hadn't seen that smile in a long time. She had forgotten his face could even look like that. It took her breath completely away.

And then he turned and spoke to someone behind him. Usagi didn't even notice if the woman was pretty, what she was wearing, or if she'd ever seen her before, she only noticed as the woman paused on the stairs and leaned in to kiss Mamoru.

It wasn't even a rush of jealousy she had felt. It was a rush of Nothing. As if the wind had blown right through her body and made everything else disappear. The bento fell from her hands and Usagi realized then, everything had become crystal clear. It wasn't that she thought he was cheating on her, but in that moment it became obvious that Mamoru didn't need her after all. It wasn't even that strange to see him with someone else.

Despite all her efforts, Usagi had stopped making Mamoru happy. Somewhere along their years of losing and finding each other, of fighting for and with each other, she'd actually started to make him _unhappy._

"Grow up," he had told her. So, Usagi did what a grown up would do. She set Mamoru free.

And it destroyed Usagi completely. Her grades fell so badly she almost had to drop out of college, and crawling back from that dark hole was the hardest thing she had to do. She was not going through that again.

"We are going to have a baby together," Usagi said to the framed photograph on the nightstand. "That's a huge thing. Let's take this one step at a time."

She turned the frame face down and noticed the wood beneath it was discolored slightly. Frowning, she ran her finger over the thin line scratched into the wood, like the frame had been there for years. He _had_ just put the picture out for purposes of last night, hadn't he?

Before she thought too much about it, Usagi forced herself to leave the apartment and face the harsh reality of day.

* * *

Being on TV was a trip, Usagi had to admit. Hair, make-up, lighting, the obnoxious host of the talk show, the director shouting orders from behind the cameras. And, oh, the cameras.

Usagi's heart was puttering in his chest, and Seiya squeezed her hand comfortingly. "It's okay, Odango."

"Easy for you to say, you've done this a million times before," Usagi said.

"I'll have you know this is the first time I've proposed marriage," he laughed. Usagi glared.

"You know what I meant! Look at you, all cool as a cucumber!"

Seiya grinned, "Or as Minako would say, 'cool as a pickle.'"

Usagi laughed weakly. As if she'd sensed her name being spoken from across the studio, Minako came running over from make-up.

"How do I look?" she twirled, and blew a kiss.

As she and Seiya became to titter about their plans for the interview, Usagi just stared blankly at the cameras.

"You don't have to do much," Yaten told her. "You wait off camera until Seiya calls you on. He'll get down on one-knee, do the whole 'will you marry me' thing, and you only have one line."

"One line," Usagi repeated dully.

"'Yes'," Yaten emphasized. "One word: 'Yes'. Think you can handle?"

Usagi nodded.

Minako hugged her tightly before going on, whispering, "Remember, you don't have to say 'yes' if you don't want to," in Usagi's ear.

And then it was just colors and lights, watching Seiya and Minako be vibrant on camera.

Suddenly, Usagi was being pulled on stage to the screams of the fans present.

Seiya smiled at Usagi and got down on one knee, pulling out a box with an incredibly impressive diamond ring inside.

Usagi felt dizzy, felt millions of eyes on her, from all over the country. Was Mamoru watching?

Suddenly she realized silence had fallen around her. Seiya had finished his speech. She hadn't heard a word.

"so.. will you marry me?" Seiya repeated.

Usagi wanted to run off the set, run back to Mamoru's apartment and see if the photo was still there by his bedside even these two days later.

Usagi wanted to scream that she couldn't marry Seiya, could never marry anyone, because her heart belonged to someone else, would always belong to someone else.

Instead she stood there, betrayer, coward, liar- and whispered so quietly the microphones could barely pick it up. "Yes."

* * *

new part next Friday


	5. Chapter 5

Thank you so much to everyone who left reviews. I love every single one, they all make me smile. I hope you all had a wonderful week and that your weekend plans include eating a cupcake.

* * *

Mamoru was hunched over a bunch of patient charts, checking off test results with tense flicks of his pen.

"Dr Chiba?" A tentative voice came from the door of the office.

"What?" he snapped, glaring up the interrupter.

It was a new intern, one he hadn't seen before. She looked terrified. "Uh.. never mind I'll ask someone else..."

"Sorry," Mamoru muttered, even though she was long gone. He took off his reading glasses and rubbed the bridge of his nose. If he was yelling at interns, it was probably time to take a nap in the on-call room.

He hadn't done one of these multi-day shifts in a while, but he used to do hours like this when he first started at the hospital. Working through the night and into the next day was a good way to avoid the outside world.

At least, it usually was. Mamoru didn't count on Usagi's talk show appearance being hot gossip in the hospital, but of course Usagi's brother was just a patient there last week, when Seiya had visited in person. It was all anyone wanted to chat about, when they weren't helping patients of course (although some of the patients were even interested, eagerly lapping up all the details they could). It pissed Mamoru off, couldn't anyone just focus on their work and not have to find entertainment in the tedious personal lives of celebrities?

But it didn't matter. Eventually he'd have to leave his cocoon of medical files and patient rounds and go home and face the real world.

He reached for another chart.

Eventually.

* * *

The past few days had been extremely exhausting for Usagi. There were texts and calls from Seiya, her friends... both close (who wanted to make sure she was okay) and distant (who wanted to squee with her about marrying a celebrity). People she hadn't seen or talked to in years were coming out of the woodwork, hoping to 'take her out to celebrate' which Usagi knew translated to 'hopefully get into an exclusive club and meet Seiya in person'.

Usagi didn't feel like dancing, obviously wasn't going to go drinking, and even the few times she accompanied Seiya to autograph signings and radio morning shows had left her utterly drained. Luna always had to remind her to put on her ring when she left to go with Seiya somewhere, usually Usagi kept it on her dresser.

"It'd be easier if you wore it all the time," Luna pointed out but Usagi shook her head at that.

"I can't," she said. "I think I'm allergic to it or something. It hurts my finger." She spun the ring around on her dresser top and Luna bumped her leg sympathetically.

"If anyone asks, I'll just say I'm getting it sized," Usagi said. "It was Minako's idea."

Minako's record was doing moderately well, she wasn't at the level of Seiya, not nearly, but she and some agents were working out a possible tour deal later that summer. Usagi knew she needed to let her friends know about the pregnancy, Minako would probably kill someone if she happened to be touring when Chibi-Usa came into the world.

Usagi sighed at her phone in frustration. She'd texted Mamoru asking for an important favor, and hadn't heard back yet.

Was Mamoru angry at her? Maybe about Seiya? Usagi chewed her lip. Maybe he was worried it would effect Chibi-Usa, if he thought she and Seiya were really getting married. It was a totally valid worry, Usagi had had similar thoughts herself, which is why she promised Seiya only a month. By the time Chibi-Usa was born, Seiya would out of the picture for months, and the paparazzi would have moved on to other targets.

She pulled her legs up to her chest. Mamoru needed to know the proposal was a stunt, it was only fair. And if it meant he saw her as a fickle liar, who would mock true love and marriage by going along with a hoax only to sell records... well, that's just how it'd have to be. Maybe he wouldn't even want to raise Chibi-Usa with her anymore if he knew what a shallow thing she'd done. But as the father of her future child, Mamoru did need to know.

So, she'd tell him.

Eventually.

* * *

Mamoru woke up with a headache, his body aching all over - what the doctors and interns called 'the 48 hour shift hangover'. He checked the clock - 10 hours sleep. Not terrible.

His phone was sitting, still powered off, on his nightstand where he'd left it before even going to work. He knew there would texts and emails from old friends and acquaintances - pretty much anyone who ever meet Usagi - 'checking in' on him (with varying levels of sincerity) to see how he felt about his ex-girlfriend's impending celebrity wedding. He was not eager to turn it on.

He needed a hot shower. Then, an entire pot of coffee. But first maybe he'd brush his teeth for three days straight.

A knock on the door interrupted his plans halfway through his second mug of coffee.

"Usako?" he was surprised to see her, standing at his front door at ten in the morning - that was pretty early for her.

She didn't look any different, now that she was engaged to another man. Mamoru wasn't sure what he expected, perhaps for the heavens above to show him mercy and lessen Usagi's hold on his soul now that any possible chance of reconciliation was gone.

But, as usual, fate merely laughed at him and the vice around his heart grew tighter as he looked at her, standing before him, so beautiful, as if she emerged from a dream. As if she was simply stopping by his apartment so they could go out to breakfast together, a happy couple, a devastating glimpse into what could have been.

"Oh, so you _are_ still alive, good. I was just checking," Usagi said, a bit of sarcasm underscoring her words. She stepped past him in the apartment.

"You said if I needed anything, I should call you," Usagi continued, very proud of herself for studiously ignoring the way Mamoru's white undershirt fit tight on his body, and hardly even noticing that his his still-damp hair smelled of his shampoo. "But then you don't answer your phone so... " she spread her hands and raised her eyebrows at him in an exaggerated questioning look.

He cringed. "Oh, shit, Usako, I'm sorry. I had an extended shift at the hospital. I didn't bring my phone with me." He stepped back, allowing her to come further into the kitchen. "Coffee?"

"Ew, no," she said.

"Still not a fan, huh?" he couldn't help smiling, taking a sip from his own mug. "So what did you need?"

"You to buy a pregnancy test for me."

He lowered the mug and looked at her like he was seeing her for the first time. "Already?"

"It's time," she shrugged. "8 days. I can test with an early response."

"Wow," Mamoru let out a breath, leaned against the counter.

"Anyway, I can't buy my own," Usagi said. She suddenly looked uncomfortable, playing with the straps of her purse. "If anyone saw me buying a pregnancy test..."

"Right," Mamoru said, feeling like the gravity in the room had just tripled. "Of course." They'd think it was because of Seiya. Mamoru put down his coffee.

"Yeah." There was silence for just a beat too long.

"Yes, of course, I'll buy one right now," Mamoru said. "Just let me pull on some proper clothes."

In less than half an hour, Usagi was standing in the hall, wringing her hands as the timer on her phone counted seconds down. Mamoru watched her pace, his third cup of coffee growing cold in his hands.

"Mamo-chan, I'm scared," Usagi said. She turned and grabbed his hand, acutely aware of the fact that they weren't together, that she had no right to touch him or even expect any comfort from him, considering as far as he knew she'd agreed to marry someone else entirely.

"What if I'm not pregnant? What if it didn't happen and it was our last chance? What if Sestuna was wrong and we'll never see Chibi-Usa again?" Mamoru squeezed her hand, and put his other hand on her head, gently stroking her temple with his thumb. The gesture was so aching familiar that Usagi felt tears well up in her eyes.

The phone alarm beeped and they both jumped. Usagi gulped and looked flipped the stick over.

"Mamo-chan! It's positive!" She whooped and nearly jumped in the air, but Mamoru engulfed her in a giant hug before she could. Before she knew it, she was being lifted in the air and twirled around. She'd never seen Mamoru grin so wide.

"Chibi-Usa, Mamo-chan, it's Chibi-Usa," she said, as her feet finally touched the floor again. Happy tears were spilling down her face. "Sestuna was right," Usagi said, scrubbing her face with her hand.

"She usually is," he said, trying to smirk even as his own eyes were damp.

There were so many plans to make, so many things they needed to talk about... but for now Usagi was just so happy to be celebrating. They could save the hard stuff for later.

"I should pick up a book on pregnancy," Usagi mused, and Mamoru presented her with a few he'd already bought (and, Usagi noted, thumbed through a bit), and Usagi wondered if she'd be having weird cravings ("how would you know any different?" Mamoru had said, earning him a slap on the arm).

"Well, now that you are carrying our beloved future daughter," Mamoru said, bowing dramatically to her while Usagi sat on the chair and giggled, "your every wish is my command."

"Yeah, right," Usagi laughed.

"I'm serious! Ice cream at 4am? Done. Pickles dipped in peanut butter? Made and served. Heavy lifting? Don't even think about it. That new manga you love? You'll get each new issue as they hit the shelves." Mamoru was being dramatic on purpose, but underneath his words he felt a desperation he didn't want to place. Usagi was pregnant with _his_ child. He wanted to be the one to take care of her - to be there as much as possible. Before... well, before he may not get another chance.

"I want," she put her tongue between her teeth and looked around the apartment. "I want those lights turned off!" Done. "And those ones turned on." Done. "And... a bowl of ice cream. The good ice cream that you hide behind the frozen peas!"

"Anything you want," he said, handing her a bowl and spoon. Then he looked at her, seriously. "I mean it."

As Usagi felt the levity drain away and she suddenly felt like the worst person in the world. "I don't deserve it," she said, putting the bowl down. Mamoru had to blink back shock. If Usagi was turning down _ice cream... _

She must be feeling guilty about Seiya, he thought, feeling like he'd been hit in the stomach. Mamoru had acted too familiar, overstepped his bounds. She was engaged to be married, and he had almost forgotten in the sheer joy of spending time with her again. He needed to be more careful, and face reality: she wasn't his, and never would be again. "Usako, I'm sorry if I did anything to upset you."

"No. It's me. I have something to tell you but I'm afraid you'll hate me." She wouldn't look at him, curling her legs up on the chair and wrapping her arms around her legs. She put her head down on her arms and wouldn't lift it.

"What are you talking about?" he said, kneeling down in front of the chair and tilting his head, trying to see her face.

Usagi didn't look up. "I lied," she said finally, her voice muffled from her arms. "I lied to you, I'm lying to everyone." She finally lifted her head, reluctantly, as if she was making herself be brave. She looked out, over his shoulder to the sliding glass balcony doors and the cheerful sun of the city at noontime. The beautiful, sunshine-y day felt incongruous to her mood, but comforting.

"I'm not marrying Seiya," she said. "We aren't even together, actually. It's a publicity stunt. All of it." Out of the corner of her eye she saw the shock on Mamoru's face and forced her lips from trembling. "It wasn't my idea but I went along with it. We'll be fake 'breaking up' in a month or so."

"But, why?" he asked. His voice didn't seem angry, but Usagi couldn't place exactly what he was feeling. She used to be able to read him so easily, now she felt like she was trying to read her favorite manga but someone had turned off the lights - and she only had her flawed memory to pull on to interpret what was happening.

"To help with album sales, keep the public interested-," Usagi started but Mamoru shook his head.

"I mean, why did you agree to it?'

She was silent.

"Did he force you into it? Did he threaten you?" Mamoru's voice had a definite edge now, Usagi cringed away from his anger.

"No, I agreed because..." she was getting dangerously close to giving away what was in her heart, something precious and closely guarded - something she wasn't ready to give away. "I felt nothing, Mamo-chan. The idea of pretending to be with Seiya, it didn't make me happy. It didn't make me sad. It was just... nothing. So I thought, why not feel nothing as his pretend fiance? Then at least I could help him and Minako out. Be useful somehow." She looked up at the ceiling to keep the tears in her eyes. "I know it's stupid."

For a long time neither of them spoke. Mamoru needed a moment to process. Usagi as still sitting there, head in her hands, close enough to touch if he reached out his hand. _She isn't in love with Seiya. She isn't going to marry Seiya_. It was all he could do to keep breathing.

But she was so sad, so miserable. Mamoru felt a flash of anger, toward Seiya, toward himself, toward whatever power in the universe had lead this optimistic and cheerful girl into such a jaded and awful situation. _How did this happen? _

"I didn't know," he said, finally.

"How could you?" she said, rubbing a hand across her face. "I am so sorry I didn't tell you. I made you think you were - that we were doing something wrong."

Mamoru fumbled for a handkerchief and handed it to her. She took it gratefully, wiping her eyes and trying not to breathe in his scent from the fabric. "But I just... I couldn't bring myself to do anything that might... mess this up." They had such a delicate balance they were working with, she hadn't wanted to do anything that could ruin it. That could make it so Chibi-Usa wouldn't be born.

"It's okay," Mamoru said, finally.

"Are you angry?" her voice was small.

"Not at you."

"Are you... " _Are you happy? _She didn't finish out loud. _Are you glad to hear I'm not with him? Do you care? _but of course he cares, Usagi thought to herself, he doesn't seem to like Seiya, and now he knows that things won't be complicated with raising Chibi-Usa.

"I'm relieved," Mamoru said, "I'm confused. I have to re-write a few things in my head."

Usagi gave a wavering smile. "I'm so sorry."

"That's the last time you apologize," he said, with mock-admonishment. "Remember," his voice was gentler now, "you still get anything you want, right? Like the ice-cream," he went to pick up the empty bowl but Usagi stopped him with a hand on his arm.

"Will you hug me?"

They stood up and he wrapped her arms around her. She leaned her head on his chest, closing her eyes and allowing her body to relax. She could hear his heartbeat against her ear and it was unspeakably comforting.

Usagi wrapped her arms tighter around his waist, squeezing him close to her, like she was a young teen all over again. She ignored the little voice in her head, warning her not to confuse Mamoru's natural caregiving attitude during her pregnancy with genuine feelings of love, and to not to take advantage of his kind nature by indulging herself in some sort of domestic fantasy.

Warning her that this could get really ugly, and fast.

* * *

so what's YOUR favorite Taylor Swift song? Mine's Haunted but I am also super partial to Wildest Dreams.

c u Friday :-p


	6. Chapter 6

omgosh thank you so much for all the reviews to the last chapter. It got a really positive response, and I'm happy. Angsty interactions between Usagi and Mamoru are my favorite.

Also, thanks to everyone who shared their favorite Taytay song. I wish I was going to see her in concert like one of you, but instead I just listen to her albums on repeat.

* * *

"What's up with Dr Chiba today?" a frightened looking intern asked a senior nurse in the hallway outside his office.

The nurse shook his head. "I'm sure it's nothing, mind your own business," he said, although his face more clearly said 'I have no idea and I'm a little concerned'.

"But he's, like, singing?" the intern continued, glancing over her shoulder as if she expected she'd need to call the authorities at any moment.

"It's not singing, it's humming," Mamoru said, walking out of this office and tapping the horrified intern on the head with the charts in his hand. "And don't you two have lives to save?" He winked and continued down the hallway.

"Do you think he had a stroke?" She said, her face still twisted in confusion.

The nurse shrugged, with a bemused frown. "Dunno but enjoy his good mood while it lasts, I guess."

* * *

Usagi was the one who had planned the picnic in the park, but none of her friends were too surprised when she arrived fifteen minutes late and empty handed. "I knew Mako-chan would bring enough for everyone!" she cheerfully (and accurately) declared.

"Ah, I love our little 'sailor senshi reunions', Minako said, laying back on the blanket and looking up at the autumn sky.

"You make it sound like we don't see each other all the time," Ami said, picking up a crustless sandwich and delicately taking a bite.

"But ya know, like... all of us together, hanging out, not _at all_ wondering about any gossip or current mind-set of our favorite reincarnated princess, or how good my newest single is doing on the radio... just casual... _nothing to really talk about at all._.."

"Alright, alright, Minako, we get it," Rei said, grumpily. "Jeeze. If Usagi wants to bring up anything she can."

Usagi stopped eating mid-bite and looked up at her friends. "Hmm..., I do have something to say."

"Is it about how you were manipulated into a publicity-stunt engagement and feel shitty about it and want me to punch someone in the mouth for you?" Makoto offered.

"No..."

Usagi was quiet so long Rei got impatient.

"Usagi, spit it out, okay? You know we are alway-"

"I'm pregnant," she blurted out, and the girls fell silent almost instantly.

"What?" Rei whispered. Minako and Makoto shared a glance and Ami looked incredibly concerned.

"Are you joking?" Makoto said, "Because if you are, it's not funny."

"No joke," Usagi said. "I'm just over two weeks.. well, I guess they say 'four weeks' even though it's really only two... that's what my book says... but yeah..."

Ami put her hand on Usagi's arm, "Are you okay? Do you need anything? Do your parents' know?"

"Yes, I'm okay," Usagi said, "You guys are the first we've told - well, besides Setsuna. She's pretty invested in this as well-"

"Se...tsuna...?" Ami looked completely bewildered.

"Okay, hold on, let me back up," Usagi said, starting over. "Good news, you guys! I'm pregnant with Chibi-Usa."

"What?!" "How?" "Wait, did you..." "I'm confused, Usagi, what do you mean 'Chibi-Usa?'" "What day, minute, second did this happen?!"

Usagi smiled, "It's Chibi-Usa. Setsuna told me it was time to have her so... " she shrugged a little, put her hands on her abdomen. "I knew I'd eventually have her when I was about this age, so I was always half-way prepared for this to happen. And I think I can do this. I mean, besides she'll have you guys, and my parents, and-"

"Wait, but _how_ did you get pregnant with Chibi-Usa?" Minako demanded.

Usagi looked surprised. "Um..."

"How does anyone get pregnant with anyone, Minako," Rei elbowed her friend. "Use your head."

"So... it's... _Mamoru's_?!"

"'She', not 'it'," Usagi said. "And yes, of course, Chibi-Usa _has_ to be Mamoru's. He's dying to see her again, just like I am. He's already very excited."

"So, let me get this straight," Minako said, gesturing wildly with her sandwich, "Sestuna tells you that you and Mamoru need to... like... get pregnant and you just go and... get pregnant." Before Usagi could answer, Minako leaned forward, looking her friend dead in the eye. "Did you do it, ya know, the 'old fashioned' way?"

Usagi blinked. "Well...yeah."

"HOLY SHIT I CAN'T EVEN IMAGINE THA- oh wait. There it is." Minako made a face. "NOW IT WON'T GET OUT OF MY HEAD."

"Anyway," Usagi said, ignoring Minako's rolling on the blanket with her hands - still holding a sandwich - over her eyes, "I know this seems intense but it's really good, you guys. Chibi-Usa will be born, and that's all that _really_ matters."

"We just want to make sure you are supported in this, one hundred percent," Ami said, seriously.

"I just need you guys to be happy for me," Usagi said, taking Ami's hands in hers. "Please."

"Okay." She said slowly, smiling. "In that case, we should throw you a baby shower in a few months! I have all sorts of ideas." At Makoto's and Rei's strange looks she just flushed. "What? I like baby showers."

Minako stopped her dramatics and looked right at Usagi, "I'm happy for you, too! And I think you need to end that fake engagement like right this nanosecond. As I've been telling you every day for two weeks." The girls murmured their agreement and Usagi sighed and nodded.

The conversation then turned to a strange volley of baby questions, gleeful congratulations and matched with concerned questions, and repeated declarations of undying support from Chibi-Usa's future Auntie Brigade.

While the others were discussing the merits of hairbows vs headbands on tiny baby girls and wondering if Chibi-Usa would be born with pink hair or if that came in later, Rei saddled up to Usagi's side.

"Are you sure you are okay?"

"Rei, I _said_, I wanted this and I'm ready and -"

Rei shook her head, "Not about Chibi-Usa, about Mamoru."

"What do you mean?"

Rei looked at Usagi and sighed. "You know what I mean."

She lowered her head. "I'm over it, Rei, that was a long time ago."

"I don't want to see you go through that again," Rei said.

Usagi nodded slowly, tracing patterns on the picnic blanket. "Don't worry. He doesn't want me back. We are totally just going to be doing this as friends, not romantically involved at all."

"But that's actually what I'm afraid of," Rei said, but the others had pulled Usagi into their conversation before Usagi could hear her.

* * *

Seiya regarded Usagi for a long time in silence after she finished talking.

"So," he picked up a sugar packet and emptied into his coffee, "that's... certainly a surprise."

Usagi nodded, hunching her shoulders a little. "Yeah, it wasn't exactly how I thought this would go but..."

"Pregnant," Seiya repeated, shaking his head slightly in disbelief. "I guess that's one way to get out of an engagement."

"Please, Seiya," Usagi reached across the table and took his hands, "Please, you can't say anything! To anyone! I'm not ready to let many people know and if your fans think I got pregnant by some other guy while actually _with_ you-"

"Odango, please," Seiya looked at her. "I will not tell a soul."

Usagi looked a little doubtful.

"Usagi, look at me."

She did.

"I will not breathe a word of this. To anyone. I'll release a statement right away that we are breaking up, but remaining friends, and by the time you have your child, you should be well off everyone's radar."

He paused, considering. "And it's so early in your pregnancy that later on, if we have to, we can spin it very easily that this whole pregnancy thing happened well_ after_ we broke up. Should anything happen, my whole PR team will work 24/7 to protect your reputation at all costs."

Usagi bit her lip. "Thank you, Seiya."

"And if you need _anything,_ at all, you know you can contact me, right?" He was still looking at her with such a friendly, tender expression, Usagi almost wanted to cry.

"Of course," she nodded. "Thank you."

"And, I'm sorry this didn't work out," Usagi added.

Seiya shook his head, sadly. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have agreed to any of this. It wasn't fair. I didn't realize you... you had someone else."

"Well," Usagi twisted her hands in her lap, "That's complicated. But I do have support, from him, from my friends... and this baby is very, very wanted. I know it seems like it was out of the blue - and it was, on one hand, but on the other... it's almost like I've been waiting for her- er, for this baby- my whole life."

"That probably sounds really silly to you," she said, looking at him sheepishly. But Seiya was looking at her with that same sad, adoring expression.

"No," he said, "not silly at all."

For a moment they just looked at each other. Then Seiya seemed to shake himself a little, "Well, it seems I have a PR meeting to get to," he said, standing. Usagi followed suit and put her arms around him, wrapping him in a hug. He hugged her back, tightly, and Usagi remembered all the times he'd comforted her, all the times he'd been there, all the good times they'd spent together. If only they could've been friends without all these complications.

"Here," she said, pressing the ring gently into his palm.

"You don't have to give this back," Seiya said, not closing his fingers around the sparking band until Usagi shook her head.

"Yes, I do," she said. Then she smiled at him, sadly. "I'll miss you."

Seiya winked at her, before pulling his sunglasses over his eyes. "You'll be seeing me on all the billboards," he gave her his usual cocky grin, before turning and leaving, his jacket slung over his shoulder. The sun flared though the glass door of the cafe as he left, and by the time Usagi blinked away the spots, he was gone.

* * *

It was all over the internet without hours, the newsstands within a day.

Usagi was impressed with how classily even the rags handled it- Seiya took all the blame, but in a such a way that it sounded like he was still an upstanding guy who wanted to focus on his fans, and Usagi was a mature adult, parting with him as friends. Sure, the more gossipy magazines seemed convinced there was more to the story, but it as all speculation.

The statement Seiya released ended with a plea to give Usagi her privacy during this time, and to instead focus on his new single and Minako's blossoming career. Whether they would listen would be something to be seen, but they were always more interested in Usagi's relationship with Seiya than with Usagi herself. Minako had also promised to be 'paparazzi bait' for as long as it took for them to forget about Usagi, and she seemed to be taking her job very seriously.

When Mamoru happened across Usagi she was standing outside a convenience store, looking at the magazines in the windows forlornly.

"Hey, there. Are you okay?" He put his hand on her shoulder and she reached up and grabbed it without turning around.

"Do you think he hates me?" She asked mournfully, her eyes filling with tears.

"No," Mamoru answered.

"Do _you_ hate me?" she asked.

"No."

Usagi shut her eyes, releasing her grip on his fingers, and stepping away from him slightly. _I have to be careful_, she thought. It was a relief that the truth about Seiya was out, but it also was one less wall for Usagi to hide behind.

"C'mon, it's cold," Mamoru said. "Let's get you home."

What was that saying Minako always got wrong? Usagi thought. 'Out of the frying pan, into the fire'?

* * *

So what was Mamoru singing (humming?)? What do you think?

I guess it should be Moonlight Densetsu but I keep imaging Ai Otsuka's "Sakuranbo" lol.

I'm going on vacation for a week! I will do my best to update on the hotel wifi but if it doesn't work I'm super sorry and I'll update Sunday (Monday at the latest.) Please look forward to it! The next chapter is my favorite.


	7. Chapter 7

if you are reading this, I updated on the road, from my iPad, successfully! I hope you enjoy this chapter, if you did (or even if you didn't), please please let me know! I live for reviews (although follows and favorites are super appreciated too!).

And speaking of reviews, you all need to see contammynation's contribution to the universe:

"Mamoru is totally humming TayTay's "Style"

you got that blonde hair, 'dango, bunny skirt.  
And I've got that nasty green coat and a black shirt.  
And when we go crashing down, we come back every time.  
Cause you never go out of style. I never was in style~"

Holy shit, right? You're welcome.

* * *

"So, have you told your parents yet?" Mamoru put a plate of hot pancakes in front of Usagi, who dug in happily.

Breakfast for dinner was her idea.

It was to celebrate her first doctor's appointment - it was too early to see or hear the baby, but the blood test results were good and everything seemed to be going well. Mamoru took time off work to come with her, which Usagi thought was very sweet.

"No," Usagi answered, "I think I'd like to move out first. Ya know, so they understand I'm not asking them to raise my kid for me."

Mamoru seemed intent on his pancake for a bit, then said, "Speaking of that, I was wondering if you would consider... moving in here."

"Here? Like, with you?"

Mamoru shrugged, taking a sip of orange juice. "Well, it certainly would make things easier, as far as helping you out. And, you wouldn't need to spend your savings on key money and rent."

Usagi looked around the apartment, as if seeing it with new eyes. She realized she had never imagined living here, even when she had a spare key and treated it like a second home. She guessed she always figured they'd move out together when they go married - as planned. Once they broke up, she never considered it again.

"I'd be happy to take the spare room," Mamoru said.

Usagi frowned. The 'spare room' was little more than a storage closet.

"I don't want to displace you," Usagi said.

"I don't mind. And if you want, we can even start to look for a bigger place together - especially once we need a nursery."

"It's a nice offer, Mamo-chan but, I can't ask you to-"

"I'm asking _you_," he said, simply. "No pressure, just think about it." He took her plate and stood up, ready to go get her some seconds.

Usagi drank the rest of her juice while she considered. Living here truly would be so nice... secure, warm, she'd always have company. And Chibi-Usa would have her father _and_ a stable place to live, instead of bouncing from one parent's place to the other's.

But could she live with Mamoru day to day, share a bathroom, see him first thing in the morning and the last thing at night... and not break down from sheer need to be _more_ than all that? Could it be something she could force herself to do, for Chibi-Usa's sake?

Possibly. Unless...

"But, what if..." Usagi paused and bit her lip. "What if you.. you know. What if you meet someone?"

Mamoru looked genuinely confused. "What do you mean, 'if I meet someone'?"

"Like," Usagi felt her face flush and pressed her hands onto the table nervously. "Romantically."

"Oh, you mean what if I meet a woman who wants to pursue a relationship with me despite my utter lack of interest and the fact that I've been singularly in love with a specific girl since I was 17 years old?"

"Um-"

Mamoru clenched his jaw. "Usako, if you don't want to live with me you don't have to, but don't make up stupid reasons like 'what if you meet someone'?" There was a crack of true annoyance in his tone as he put the plate down in front of her. "Seriously?" he muttered under his breath.

Usagi felt offended. "Like it's such an impossible idea!" she said, her voice breaking. "Don't act like I'm crazy for thinking you could be happy with someone especially after-" she froze.

"After what?" Mamoru looked at her.

Usagi pouted and shook her head.

"After. what. Usako." he insisted.

"That girl you were with," Usagi said, forcing her voice to be flippant, as if she was merely recounting an interesting anecdote and not the pivotal moment that shattered both their lives. "After we fought that time... I... I came to see you. At school. I wanted to make up." She traced patterns on the formica of the countertop with her fingertip. "I never told anyone this, but I saw you just getting out of an exam and. You were with a girl."

"Usa-"

"I don't think you were cheating on me!" she said, "if that's what you are thinking. I'm not an idiot. But Mamo-chan, you were _smiling_ at her. She _kissed_ you. And that's when I realized you hadn't smiled at me in..." Usagi's voice was beginning to betray her. "I realized seeing you with someone else made sense. Just made more sense than leaving you stuck with me."

Mamoru just looked at her in astonishment. "I- I don't," he put a hand to his head, desperately trying to remember that day, figure out what the hell Usagi was talking about. "I don't remember this, Usako. I don't remember anyone like that." Maybe it was Chie, she was a super affectionate girl, always giving hugs and cheek-kisses to their lab group. Was she even at that exam?

And, more importantly, had he really not smiled at Usagi in so long that seeing it made her think some random girl from his medical school could even come _close_ to - to even a shadow of what he felt for her. Had her confidence really fallen so low?

Feeling sick, he remembered how he'd treated her during that time, how much he ignored her, how the few words he had spoken to her were in annoyance, dismissive. Why didn't he realize how much it effected her? That she could honestly think he'd rather be with anyone else in the world besides her. That some instance he couldn't even _remember_ would make her _leave._

Suddenly, anger rose up in his chest. Anger at the whole situation, anger at the years they lost, but mostly, anger at himself. Anger at her.

"Usako, _that_ was why? That was why you _left me_?"

"You would have never left on your own! I had to set you free, if I was so bad for you-"

"Set me free?" Mamoru stepped back, raising his voice. "Usako, these past four years were the worst years of my life. Of _my whole life_."

Usagi felt her lips tremble.

Mamoru spoke again, his voice intense and quiet. "Tell me, Usagi. Did you walk away from me, from _us_, because you didn't love me anymore?"

"No! I walked way because _you_ didn't love _me_ anymore!" She cried. "It was the hardest thing I've ever done! You said it was the worst time of your life, well it almost _destroyed_ me!"

At those words Mamoru completely deflated. All the anger drained from him just as quickly as it had come. He felt utterly numb, her words still reverberating in his skull. "_It almost destroyed me." _"Well, that's always been a talent of mine," he said, dully, staring ahead but not really looking at anything.

Usagi felt her heart pound in her throat. She'd never seen his eyes look so blank before, so dead. Not since she faced him as puppet of Beryl. It made her want to faint. "Mamo-chan, I'm so sorry," she whispered though her sobs.

Look what she did to him.

Look what they kept doing to each other.

"I'm so sorry," she said again, and nearly tripped over herself fleeing the apartment.

* * *

Mamoru pressed his palms to his eyes, breathing deeply.

That was it, the moment of truth. Usagi had literally laid his worst fear bare in front of him: that he had finally irrevocably damaged her, had ruined them completely. There was no going back from this.

Since the moment he met her, and learned of his importance in her life and the destiny he was lucky enough to shoulder - the privilege of having a place in orbit in Usagi Tsukino's universe - it had been a ghost in the shadows, lurking on the fringes of their happy life: That he wasn't enough. That he could never deserve her love, no matter how much he tried and fought and struggled.

His darkness would distinguish her light.

He'd always known.

_She's better off without me._

But _no._

He looked up, shaking his head, clenching his fists.

This isn't it.

_This can't be it._

There was Chibi-Usa's smile in his mind. The way Endymion looked at Neo-Queen Serenity. The way Usagi had always smiled at him in greeting when they were together.

Mamoru needed faith. In her. In him. In _them. _

That was what he never had, what his desperation never allowed him.

And that is what came to him in a flash of understanding. King Endymion had forced his hand in the past, claiming their love would be "tested" and told Mamoru he needed that faith - Mamoru had written him off in anger but in that moment everything was perfectly, crystal clear.

Usagi needed him a much as he needed her. Lack of love was never their problem. He needed to make her believe in him.

_Fight for her._

Mamoru ran out of the apartment. The elevator wouldn't come down when he pressed the button, so he took the stairs instead. Bursting out of the lobby doors into the cool twilight air, he froze, eyes darting around. She couldn't have gotten far, but the streets were empty.

Where was she? The park? Her home? Rei's?

Then he stopped, rebounded. The elevator was coming down when he had pressed the button...

The roof!

Mamoru turned and ran.

* * *

There wasn't much up there, on the roof of Mamoru's building. A couple trees, some folding chairs, extra laundry lines. And Usagi, shivering in her light jacket. The sky was blue and the lights were starting to come on, little by little.

Usagi didn't react when Mamoru stood behind her, silently. He put his hands on her shoulders. "I found you," he said, hoarsely.

"I wanted to see the city," Usagi said, rolling her eyes like she thought her own idea was silly. Her lips were pressed downward and tears were still falling silently from her eyes.

"It's pretty," he agreed. For a moment they just stood there, watched the sky bruise a darker blue.

"I'm so selfish," Usagi said, sighing.

"No," Mamoru said, "I'm sorry about what I said before I-"

"I mean," she said, interrupting him. "I'm selfish because I want you. To be with you." She stepped out from under his grasp and turned to face him. "I'd marry you tomorrow, Mamo-chan! For the rest of my life I'd lay claim to you - chain you down to a fate you never asked for! A destiny from an accident of birth-"

"Fuck destiny!" Mamoru said, startling Usagi into silence with his language. She just looked at him, gaping.

"I want to be with you," Mamoru said, putting his hands on her shoulders and looking at her right in the eyes. "_You_ were what made me happy. You were what I needed. _You, you, you._ Not because of some leftover responsibility from some long-dead royal oath, but because of how you - Usagi Tsukino - made me feel. What you made me do. You made me _better._" He swallowed the lump in his throat.

She looked at him, doubtfully, tears still silently falling. "But you were so unhappy-"

"I was a jackass," Mamoru said. "I realize that." He stood up and put his hands to his head. "I was stressed. And tried. And I completely took you for granted, assuming the future was set in stone. I-" Mamoru shook his head and took Usagi's hands in his. "I assumed the future was set, because I was _glad_ it was. Usako, in my entire life, I never had anything else that was... stable. That I trusted like that. I was stupid to mistreat that."

"I'm so sorry," Usagi sobbed. "I let us fall apart."

"No," he held her. "No, no, it wasn't you."

"And it wasn't you," she said, her voice muffled from where her face was pressed into his chest, her voice jumpy through her tears. "It was just _us_. We screwed up. We screwed everything up."

For a long time they just stood there, holding each other. Usagi's muffled sobs were the only sound.

"How do I know we won't do it again?" she asked, finally. It was dark now. "How can I know we just won't keep hurting each other, falling apart to fall back together, time after time after time...?"

The brightest stars were beginning to sparkle above the buildings. The moon skirted the horizon, cautiously.

"I don't know," Mamoru said, finally. She pulled away and looked up at him sadly.

"All I know is, I'd rather be with you than apart from you," he said simply.

Usagi blinked. Her eyes were dry, her skin tight from tears. "I'm so tired." So, so tired. Of all of this.

"Can I stay over tonight?" she asked.

"Yes, of course."

He wrapped his arm around her and walked her slowly toward the stairs.

Not too long later, Usagi was snuggled into one of Mamoru's oversized sweatshirts, with a clean face and dry eyes. She sat on his bed, chewing a fingernail and looking at the photo of them.

"Goodnight," Mamoru said gently from the doorway.

Usagi gave a small smile in return. He turned out the light and the room was bathed in the perpetual twilight of the city.

"Usako," he said, "I want you to know that, whatever you decide, I will be here for you. I will support you in every way, I will raise our daughter with you, and will rule beside you should Crystal Tokyo come to pass. And if you ever decide to give me another chance, to give _us_ another chance, - even if it takes a hundred years I'll ... I'll wait."

Usagi shut her eyes against her unshed tears as Mamoru left, closing the door behind him with a soft 'click'.

* * *

Mamoru's bed was comfortable, familiar, and Usagi was exhausted beyond belief.

But she couldn't sleep. Instead she starred upwards, watching the light play across the ceiling, wondering how many nights Mamoru had lain awake in this same place, hurting the same way she did.

Usagi rolled to her side and pushed her sweaty hair away from her eyes. How much longer could they do this?

She'd done her best, she'd given Mamoru his freedom like she'd thought he wanted. And he pushed it back to her, rejected all her offers of a life free from the bonds of their fate.

Her love would hang him, and he kept handing her the damn rope.

Usagi groaned and put her head in her hands. How much more selfish could she be? If she were to actually leave him, take Chibi-Usa and run, it'd be the worst thing she could ever do to Mamoru. But staying? To make him wait on her day after day, under some hope that one day she'd turn and say "okay, I'm ready now"? How was that fair either? He promised to wait, but how long could he really do it?

And most importantly, when would she stop being so damn _scared_?

She swung her legs over the side of the bed and padded quietly out of the room.

* * *

This chapter was especially fun, forcing both Mamoru and Usagi to face their inner demons and insecurities. I hope you enjoy the next one, too. Please look forward to it! It was also very fun to write.


	8. Chapter 8

Thank you so much from the bottom of my heart to everyone that reviewed, you totally rekindled my love of my silly fic writing hobby, and I appreciate every word you wrote. Thank you for taking time of your day in order to make mine amazing!

And to everyone who favorited, followed, and read this fic - yey! thank you! This was fun for me and I hope it was for you too!

* * *

Mamoru was a light sleeper so the creak of the bedroom door opening made him sit up from the sofa where he'd been sprawled out. He squinted at Usagi in the darkness.

"Is everything okay?"

Usagi just sighed, pulled on the edge of the sweatshirt. "I can't sleep," she said, lamely. Mamoru made a move to stand but Usagi shook her head.

"I'm not brave, Mamo-chan," she said, hoarsely. "I'm always scared. And I always want to take the easy way out. I always want to run away."

He was silent, watching her closely. Usagi's lip trembled again, her throat and eyes burned. How many times could she cry tonight before her tears ran out? she wondered.

She was so, _so_ goddamn _sick_ of crying.

"I can't run away from you," Usagi said, finally. "I don't want to. I'm scared, I know I - or worse_ you_ \- could get hurt but I can't-" her voice broke. "I can't do this anymore. I can't be apart from you. I tried, Mamo-chan, I tried _so hard_-"

Mamoru was suddenly shaken from his shocked reverie, standing and crossing over to her in two long strides. Suddenly his arms were around her waist and hers wrapped around his neck, and his kiss was searing, her toes almost lifted off the floor. And she stayed like that, in his arms, kissing him again and again - this time not for pretend, not in a desperate attempt to hold onto what had slipped away, but because she _could. _Because she wanted to, because she _had to. _

"Are you sure," she murmured, against his cheek, stirring the dark hair by his ear with her breath. "Are you sure? Even after everything?"

In response, he knelt to kiss her abdomen, where their child lay curled in safety. He looked up at her from beneath his dark fringe of hair, his gaze reverent and his blue eyes clear in the dim light. "After everything, after _anything. _I have never been more sure."

Usagi shut her eyes with something like relief and something like slipping beneath the water after falling from a very, very great height. She sank to her knees as well, and leaned her forehead against his.

For a long time they stayed like that, all shallow breaths and shaking palms. Usagi wondered if something would break this spell, or they'd be found like that, hands pressed together, unmoving in the sands of time.

* * *

But somehow, morning came, drifting into the room with dusty soft light. Usagi blinked awake, unaware of when she even fell asleep. She was back in Mamoru's bed, did he carry her there?

Feeling like she was still in a dream, she walked slowly into the living area. Mamoru was already there, reading a book and sipping coffee.

For a moment Usagi felt awkward, standing there looking at him. Maybe last night had been a figment of her over-tired, anguished mind. Or, what if what was whispered into the darkness in the wee hours of the morning vanished like smoke in the heavy light of day?

Then Mamoru looked up at her and smiled and all her fear melted away.

"Good morning," he said.

Usagi burst into tears.

And just cried. And cried. She didn't know if it was the pregnancy (not that she'd ever had that excuse before for her famous waterworks), or her sheer mental exhaustion but the tears just wouldn't stop. Mamoru's concerned questions echoed senselessly in her ears, even as he had rushed over to comfort her. Usagi just let him brush way her tears and stroke her hair until her tears finally ebbed, fading into breathy hiccups.

"Sorry," she muttered, scrubbing at her face, "I don't know why."

"Maybe you need breakfast," he said, injecting some levity into his voice. Usagi just sniffled.

Mamoru stood up and headed toward the fridge. "We have left over pancakes from last night."

In a few moments, she found herself with a warm washcloth in her hand to wipe her face, and hot pancakes on a plate in front of her.

Mamoru knelt beside her at the table, "I have to go to work in a few minutes. Do you want me to call in sick?"

At that, she couldn't help a giggle escape. "Mamoru Chiba suggesting he blow off work, I didn't think I'd see the day." Then she shook her head. "No, go. I'm fine." Mamoru ran his fingers down the side of her face, gently, and Usagi had to fight off more tears.

"I'm scared," she said, not sure what she meant. Scared of what was in front of them, childbirth, Chibi-Usa, the huge change looming over the horizon. Possibly Crystal Tokyo. Maybe forever.

Mostly Usagi was scared of the precipice they walked, that one false move could be cataclysmic, leaving her alone once again. She couldn't lose him. Not again.

Mamoru pressed his lips to her forehead. "I know," he said. They stayed like that for a few moments. Mamoru left her with a kiss goodbye, and a promise to be in touch throughout the day. When he left the apartment, Usagi wrapped her arms around herself, feeling lonely in his absence. She looked around taking in the sheet draped across the sofa, the clean dishes in the sink, the early morning light moving across the floor.

She texted Mamoru a few moments later: "Can i still move in w u?" She didn't know when he'd have a chance to check his phone, but his answer came back quickly.

"Of course."

* * *

The next few weeks were a whirlwind.

Usagi thought if she never saw another box in her life it'd be too soon - just as Mamoru suggested they being looking for a bigger place to move in a few months.

She also had another doctor's appointment and was able to gift Setsuna with a blurry jelly-bean of an ultrasound picture and she could have sworn the almighty senshi of time actually teared up a little bit.

Then there was the emotionally draining task of talking to her parents, who took the news - well, not great, but better than she expected, especially considering Mamoru stepped up right away to promise to take responsibility. Shingo, still with a giant cast on his leg, had taken it upon himself to claim blame/credit for the whole thing, which was fine by Usagi. The truth would be too unbelievable anyway. Shingo had also made a joke about hitting Mamoru in the shins with his crutches - at least, Usagi thought it was a joke.

She and Mamoru were slowly learning how to be together again. Usagi slipped into his life so easily, it was as if there had been a space for her all along. It was an emotional time for her, some more crying, lots of comforting each other, and talking for hours until their voices were raw. They had so much to figure out, and so much to regret.

For her part, she wished she'd just talked to Mamoru about the girl she saw (Mamoru had told her that, ironically, before he met Usagi he'd never been close enough to anyone to let them casually kiss his cheek or even pat his shoulder, but after so many years with her, he'd opened up to the point where he'd had more friends, and allowed more personal affection in his life. "I didn't even realize I'd crossed a line," he said, and she assured him he hadn't. "I was silly and jealous and hurting," Usagi admitted.) Still, there was only so much good to come from rehashing the past. Usagi finally had to put a ban on non-productive wallowing because that was one thing Mamoru had trouble with.

Mamoru was slightly different now, Usagi noticed. Older, of course. He was settled in well at the hospital, and diligent about his work, but he didn't carry the stress around like a tangible monster any more. She noticed him trying to be extra attentive, extra kind. He had learned not to take anything for granted. And, for her part, Usagi hoped she was more mature than she was seventeen - able to give him more space if ever needed it.

They were doing well. Happy.

But the pain of living apart from each other had burned itself into their hearts, like a tattoo. They were forever branded with the knowledge that they weren't infallible, and with the permanent conviction that, even so, even after everything, they chose each other. And would again. And again and again. At least they'd proven that, Usagi thought.

* * *

"Hey, Mamo-chan?"

"Need something?"

"Will you kiss me?" Usagi wondered if that counted as a pregnancy request or not. Although, she would hope it'd be something he wouldn't mind. Usagi wanted to confirm that the same love and passion she had always felt for him was returned. It was one thing she hadn't been sure of. Had never been sure of.

Mamoru put down the book and walked over to her, brushing some wayward hair from her face. His lips were a featherlight tease against hers.

"Again," she whispered. Again he kissed her softly, gently. "Again..." and she was finally able to deepen the kiss and sink back into the sofa with the weight of his body against hers. "Don't stop," she said, and curled her fingers through his hair.

Mamoru's hand moved to her thigh, brushing his fingers up beneath the hem of her skirt. Tingles ran through Usagi's whole body at his touch, and she rocked her hips against his hand, murmuring his name. Although she felt tired and drained, her emotional state was steading with every caress from Mamoru's warm hands, with every gasp and moan she elicited from his mouth.

He wanted her _so_ badly, this much was so obvious.

"What changed from before...?" Usagi had to ask, her voice uneven.

"What do you mean?" he managed to say and Usagi bit back a moan because this was _important_ she had to know.

"You never wanted this before - you always pulled away or pretended not to notice when I'd-"

"Oh I wanted this," he said in a throaty voice, his other hand moved to her breast, as she pulled on his shirt. He had to break his hold on her to pull it over his head and when she could see his face again he looked her right in the eye. "I _always_ wanted this, Usako..."

"Then why...?" Her question was lost in a moan, and she realized this was probably a ridiculous time to have this conversation but _she had to know._

And it was a while before either of them spoke with any semblance of sense, tangled together in the cool fall sunlight filtering through the window shades. Usagi repeated her question and Mamoru took a while to answer.

"Well, first it was because we were so young," he said, Usagi noticed and appreciated he said 'we' and not 'you'. "And I knew we weren't ready for that step yet. And after a while, it got to be so built up," Mamoru rolled his eyes at himself, "I kept thinking, it had to be perfect, it had to live up to four years of fantasizing ... and every time you'd come in and flirt, or say something that turned me on, I'd step back because I'd think: 'it's not the right time'."

Despite the seriousness on Mamoru's face, Usagi couldn't help smiling. "So, wait, you mean I turned you on, even back then?"

He gave her a incredulous look. "All the time, Usako," he said. "It was_ ridiculous,_" he muttered. "You'd come in here to 'study' in micro mini skirts, you'd stretch your legs over mine, you'd make up some excuse to brush your hair... " Mamoru looked at her and shook his head, "I was never sure if you knew what you were doing or not."

Usagi hid a wicked grin behind a completely innocent look. "Did it work?"

Mamoru just sighed, put his hand on his head. "God, _yes_. I thought I'd have to commit myself or something, you were driving me so crazy."

Oh, 17 year old her would've loved to know she was driving her boyfriend to distraction even as he pretended he was too interested in his book to notice. Usagi sent a small fist bump to her younger self in her mind.

"But I had all those stupid hang ups," Mamoru continued, "so I just had to deal with it myself."

"Must've been hard," she said, cheekily. She was rewarded with the most withering look she'd ever seen and it was utterly delightful.

"You could've just _talked_ to me about it, you know," Usagi pointed out. She couldn't keep the sadness out of her voice when she added, "I thought my own boyfriend didn't even find me sexy."

Mamoru sighed again. "We screwed up in such a fucking myriad of ways, didn't we?"

Usagi wormed her way under his arm and squirmed up next to him. "Hey," she said, "no more of that. More of _this_." She kissed him, deeply, soundly. There wasn't any more talk of regrets for the rest of the day.

* * *

"So, Usagi I have a question," Rei said, helping herself to Usagi's fries, which sat abandoned in front of her since as soon as they came Usagi decided she didn't want them. In fact, Usagi never wanted to see a fry again. Fries were horrible terrible things that she could never hope to eat without vomiting all over Mako-chan's adorable dress. Usagi told the waitress she wanted a milkshake instead.

"Yeah?" Usagi said absentmindedly. Where was the waitress with her milkshake?

"Why don't you stop being stupid and just marry Mamoru already, jeeze."

"Wait, what?" Usagi looked startled. "Get married?"

"Well, sure," Makoto said, "I mean, besides the fact that you are pregnant with his child, living with him-"

"Not to mention all that ~true love~ stuff," Minako said flippantly, also taking some of Usagi's fries.

"Don't you think you ought to marry him before you show anymore?" Minako continued, poking on Usagi's growing baby bump. "Not to be old fashioned but maternity wedding dresses aren't as cute."

"You two are obviously really happy together," Makoto put in, as she grabbed a fry, too.

"And so far the whole living situation is working out great," Rei added.

"It just seems the prudent next step," Ami agreed. "But the important thing is, do you _want_ to marry him?"

Usagi flushed. Of course she did, she always had, since she was fourteen. And her friends knew it.

"You guys," she said "we aren't even sure Mamo-chan even wants to marry _me_, okay?"

"So ask him," Ami said, wisely. "It's modern times, women can propose to men."

Usagi pouted a little, "I know," she muttered. "But I want a proposal."

"Anyway," she continued, "I can't just, like, communicate telepathically that I want him to buy me a ring."

"Why not?" Minako asked, while munching a fry and looking at Usagi curiously.

"Because... that's not something I can do?"

"I thought you two could do that."

"No," Usagi looked her very strangely.

"Huh. Learn something new everyday!" Minako cheerfully swiped another fry.

"You could attempt another way to communicate to your co-habitant that you wish to make your causal union more official."

"Oh yeah! Like, drop all these hints, make him watch jewelry store commercials..."

"Or, just use your words like a grown up."

"That too..."

"OKAY GUYS ENOUGH!" Usagi raised her hands in an I-surrender motion. "Enough. Can we focus on the really important matters here? Like where the heck is my milkshake?!"

Suddenly her face fell and she pressed her hands to her stomach. "Never mind. I don't want a milkshake anymore. Hey, where did all my fries go?!"

* * *

Usagi entered the apartment and paused in the doorway, tilted her head to the side curiously.

"Is that.. are you actually listening to the new Seiya Kou song?"

Minako's album was doing well, but Seiya's newest single had rocked the charts. The critics and public alike seemed enamored by the edgy new ballot's 'raw, honest lyrics that reflect on heartbreak and unrequited love' as one music critic put it.

Mamoru gave a half-smile and shrug, "It's a half-way decent song, actually."

Usagi shook her head and smiled. "Okay."

"I can imagine how he feels," Mamoru said, thoughtfully.

"What do you mean?"

He looked at her for a long moment, as if trying to see if she was serious. Then he smiled. "Nothing at all. So, how was lunch with the girls?"

"They apparently think it's okay to literally steal sustenance from a pregnant woman but otherwise... it was great!" She smiled and sat down next to him on the sofa. He reached over and turned off the radio and closed his book.

"So..."

Usagi took a deep breath. "I have a request. But it's not one you _have_ to do. Only if you want to. Promise?"

"Cross my heart."

"You could..." she bit her lip and looked out the window nervously. "Ask me... to marry you. I mean only if you- Hey!" She said as Mamoru stood up and abruptly left the sofa, disappearing into the bedroom. "Look I said you don't _have_ to-" She walked over the bedroom only to almost smack into him as he walked back out.

Wordlessly, he handed her her jacket from where it was hanging by the door, and took her hand.

"Mamo-chan what-"

She followed him out onto the balcony and pulled her jacket around her tighter. It was definitely starting to get colder.

Mamoru stood and faced her, holding her hands. "Okay, ready?"

"For-"

Then he got down on one knee. Usagi started to laugh nervously, putting her hands in front of her mouth. "Like right now?"

Mamoru smiled, "Since you asked," he reached into his pocket and pulled out a small, black box.

"You had a ring?!" Usagi said, still shocked.

"Usako, are you doing to let me do this right, or not?" Mamoru asked and Usagi nodded and shut her mouth, trying to keep from smiling in the bitter cold.

"Usagi Tsukino, will y-"

"Yes!" she said, jumping up and down and pulling him up by his arm, "Yes yes yes!" She managed to hold still enough to allow him to put the ring on her finger and kiss her.

"How long have you had a ring?" Usagi asked, still looking at it in wonder. It was pink, heart-shaped, and absolutely perfect.

"Years," Mamoru answered, honestly. Usagi looked up at him in surprise, her eyebrows raising in a sad expression before he stopped her with a smile. "Presumptuous, I know," he said.

Usagi looked down at her finger and smiled. She may have been imagining it, but she could have sworn she felt a fluttering in her abdomen, a reminder from Chibi-Usa - her daughter - the newest, brightest star - that all may be right in the universe after all.

"Let's just call it optimistic," she said.

* * *

and it's done OMG. I had a lot of fun with this fic and even though it's been 'written' for a while I was tweaking it until the very tippy end. I wanted to give them a happy ending but I wanted to drag them through some serious mud first - so hopefully it was half as fun to read as it was to write. Please let me know what you thought!


End file.
